Bad Drivers: A Rant

Driving. We all do it. Well, most of us do and truth be told, many of us are great drivers. Courteous of other drivers around us, considerate of pedestrians, cyclists (even ‘those’ cyclists,) and generally attentive. Then there are the totally clueless. Those who seem to have obtained their licenses from the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. If you don’t know what Cracker Jacks are, I pity you. Seriously. You truly need to experience these delicacies. But I digress…

It is the clueless and distracted drivers who are responsible for most accidents. There are stats on this, but I really don’t feel like puling them from the innards of the interwebz at the moment. Call me lazy. I know it’s there. Suffice to say, it’s a thing…

At this point, we should all be aware about the hazards of (texting, drinking, using mind-altering drugs, applying makeup, reading a book, playing Wordle, shaving, changing clothing, etc.) while driving. Being distracted behind the wheel, however, is apparently still a national pastime, and in my travels I have seen all of these activities being engaged in by other drivers, as well as a few I will not mention here. Oh, the things I cannot unsee…

But there are a several things that remain at the top of my list of pet peeves. Actions that irritate me to the point where I am not only screaming my fool head off inside my own vehicle, but simultaneously inventing a flurry of brand new profanities. It’s part of my creative process… 

These include:

  • Failure to use a turn signal. 
  • Driving slow in the passing lane.
  • Tailgating in the slow lane.
  • Brake-checking.
  • Driving with high-beams on.
  • Almost anyone in a BMW.

Let’s Unpack…

The turn signal thing.

The turn signal was invented by Oscar J. Simler and patented in 1929. That’s almost 100 years ago. A hundred years. We ALL should have a clue by now, but yet there still exist people who seem to either have absolutely no idea what that stalk sticking out the side of their steering column is, or are convinced that everyone around them is clairvoyant and can predict where they are going to point their vehicle at any given moment. I have a sneaky suspicion that most of these people think blinker fluid is a thing. Bless their hearts…

Driving slow in the passing lane.

This has got to be one of my worst pet peeves. Seriously, how can they look out thier windshields at all of that beautiful and empty road in front of them and NOT see the line of fifty cars all bunched up behind them like a rolling Newton’s Cradle? Do they not notice the stares, glares, and middle-finger gestures of everyone who speeds by them when they have the chance? Do they not notice they can no longer see the front end of the cars behind them? Do they not notice that there are even people passing them? While they are in the passing lane? Oblivion. Total oblivion.

As a side note, a dishonorable mention to what I call “The Pacers.” No, not the Indiana NBA team. I am referring to those who drive parallel to the fast-lane slow-drivers, not allowing anyone to even pass. There’s a special place in hell for them…

Brake-checking.

This is done usually by two types of people. The first class are the slow drivers in the passing lane who are not part of the aforementioned gaggle of oblivious fast-lane slow-drivers, but have a sincerely held belief that they’re entitled to drive the speed limit in the passing lane. There are many areas where this is actually illegal, by the way, flushing that entitlement straight down the crapper. I hope they enjoy the ticket, and the insurance company faulting THEM for an accident when they are rear-ended, and the flurry of tickets they’ll be getting from the local constabulary. The second class in this group are those who think being passed is a personal affront to them and proceed to speed up, cut you off, then slam on their brakes. To them, I say may the fleas of a thousand camels infest their anuses. ‘Nuff said…

High-beams.

There is a time and place for using high-beams and driving in traffic isn’t it. They are blinding people going in both directions. Do they not see the people in front of them squinting or flailing their arms to block what seems to be the actual sun behind them? Do they not see the drivers in front of them hunkering down to find that sweet spot that hides the reflection from both the rear-view and side-view mirrors? Do they not see them weaving back and forth like a blind drunk sailor? Do they not notice oncoming traffic driving off the side of the road or stopping in the middle of the street until they pass? What about that blue light? It’s BLUE. It’s literally the ONLY light on your dashboard that’s blue. There’s no mistaking it for anything else. 

Another dishonorable mention goes to the high-beam abusers first cousins; those who park on the wrong side of the street and leave their lights on, completely screwing up the perspective of where the road actually goes for those who are driving towards you. Again, bless thier hearts…

The BMW Thing

If you are part of the 1% of BMW owners who are not total and complete douchebags, I applaud you. Seriously. You are a credit to the brand. You are truly unique, and I mean that sincerely. It’s been my experience as someone who literally drives thousands of miles per month that a majority of drivers who tailgate me, cut me off, brake-check me, park illegally in handicap spots (don’t even get me started on THAT) or take up multiple parking spots, and generally behave like entitled and petulant children who believe they own the entirety of the road system seem to be behind the wheels of a BMW. I am not sure why, but it just is… 

So there you have it. My rant of the week. You can agree or disagree and we can still get along fine. Just stay out of my lane…

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