The 2012 Republican Campaign For Divine Kingship

“…no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.” – United States Constitution, Article VI

This principle has long been interpreted to mean that no elected or appointed federal employee can be required to adhere to any religion or accept any religious belief or doctrine. This is true regardless if their position is a career choice or a political aspiration.

As well, this includes the context of any oath of office, because the United States was founded as a secular nation, and the Constitution that governs us is a secular document. Lately though, the linguistic puke that is being vomited out of the mouths of the Republican Presidential candidates causes one to believe that the person who is to occupy the Oval Office must, without a doubt, be one rung above Betty Bowers on the ladder of America’s best Christians.

A Parody Unto Themselves… 

Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck through a rolling donut what idiocy people choose to believe. If someone’s idea of religion is jumping up and down on their sofa, naked, while eating a slice of pepperoni pizza, then let ‘em have at it. Christian, Mormon, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam, Hindu or whatever they choose to replace reality with is, frankly, none of my business as long as they are not doing anything harmful –especially involving children.

However, the odds that any given GOP Presidential Candidate are practicing what they preach are slightly better than Angelina Jolie calling me up for a date on the same day I won every single lottery available in the entire United States, after surviving forty-three consecutive lightning strikes within seconds of being hit by a train that fell out of the belly of an airplane, on a leap year.

The hypocrisy that is leaking from the bloated carcass of the current crop of GOP Presidential candidates leads me to reason that if the majority of Republican constituents believed that the earth was created from the farts of cosmic porcupines, the Republican Presidential candidates would be touting their holy and undying devotion to gaseous prickly rodents, and be campaigning on a platform that is in line with the Holy Book of Odiferous Spikieness.

Run The Country, Not Our Lives… 

OK, before the Paulbots have spontaneous orgasms because this sounds like a Neo-Libertarian Battle Cry, rest assured, it is not. I am about as far from Libertarian politics as east is from west. I am not in favor of smaller government, I like the EPA and the fact that there are agencies to regulate what can be called “beef.

However, I am in favor of the government staying out of our personal lives, and the religious right have a completely different agenda. This is obvious, considering their meddling insistence to dictate what they think we all should drink, smoke, watch on television, who we should marry and what a woman does with her vagina and other parts of her reproductive system. Those are a few of many other intrusions.

I Don’t Ask Much…

As a voter, I don’t reason myself to be particularly demanding. I want to know where a candidate stands on issues such as the economy, our infrastructure, the efficient defense of our nation, the availability of healthcare for all of us, shoring up social security, veterans affairs, etc.  And I want the freedom to be able to discuss these issues on their own merits, without having to allow for the consideration of what “God” might think.

I want to discuss what they are planning to do about climate change, not whether it exists or not. I want to discuss when the science books are going to be updated with the latest facts about our evolution, not whether it is true or not. I want to know what they intend to do about those industries that can cause harm if left unregulated or if current regulations are further relaxed, not about how Jesus fed five thousand people with a three loaves and a fish.

I have lost interest in following the coverage of Republican candidates from the point of view of a voter. Not because I am not Republican, but because their campaigns have lost focus on the issues that interest me. In fact, they have lost focus on the average American citizen, including their own constituents.

I Am Getting Nothing…

The issues I wrote about above – the economy, infrastructure, defense, etc. – used to be on the forefront of the media’s election coverage when the contest began. But as time went by, religious issues began to take more and more precedence in their campaigns. Now, instead of informed debates and insightful interviews, we are inundated with immature cock-blocking as the candidates argue who is the holiest, most pious, bible-thumping, Jesus-worshiping godgobbler in the land.

Romney questions the faith of Gingrich. Gingrich questions the faith of Santorum. Santorum questions the faith of Obama. One says they are the most biblically minded candidate. Another says they have been a member of their faith the longest. The other says that they go to church more often. All are making statements about how much they believe in whatever doctrine is trending on Twitter. One has his picture taken behind a pulpit. Another has his picture taken with hands laid on him. The other has video taken of them walking into church.

It’s really sad to watch, actually. The whole thing reminds of a puppet show. The GOP candidates have sold out, and for thirty pieces of silver have become little more than a ventriloquist’s dummy, with the hands of the religious right playing with the little levers that control their actions.

  11 comments for “The 2012 Republican Campaign For Divine Kingship

  1. ChunxOfEarth
    February 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

    This has to be one of the best summations I have read so far. You hit all the salient points I have been trying to make with my network of people, and they all look at me as if I was speaking Mandarin to a cement block. Thank you.

  2. February 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Not much I can add to this one – a terrific summary of the pathetic set of christian nationalist candidates!

  3. KG
    February 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    The GOP candidates have sold out, and for thirty pieces of silver have become little more than a ventriloquist’s dummy, with the hands of the religious right playing with the little levers that control their actions.

    The puzzle for non-Americans is how and why this has happened. In terms of socio-economic policies, the last 30 years have seen a swing to the right in almost all rich countries, as the rich reacted to the decline and fall of the USSR, and the weakening of labour unions, by grabbing an ever larger share of the cake. But only in the USA has this been combined with a major political party falling under the sway of religious fanatics. Maybe it’s just that Christianity already had a far stronger hold in the USA than any other rich country – itself at least in part a product of its far weaker welfare system, and of the freedom of religious TV advertising, which is restricted in most of the other countries concerned.

    • magistramarla
      February 20, 2012 at 6:38 pm

      A while back, in the ’70s or ’80s, the religious right, as they were then called, had just been firmly trounced in the political arena. I remember reading a serialized article over several months in my husband’s Playboy in which the author questioned several of the leaders of the religious right. Those leaders swore right then that they were about to go “grassroots”. I remember them saying that their members would soon be on school boards and be mayors and city council members. He said that in a decade or so, they would have much, much more political clout.
      I remember showing this article to my husband, but he thought that the US voters and our political leaders would be much too smart to allow such a thing to happen. Well, it has happened, and I’m worried. I wish that I could find that series of Playboy articles. It would be great to see them re-published.
      BTW, have you read “Revolt in 2100” by Robert A. Heinlein? I’ve just finished re-reading it. Substitute “Rick Santorum” for the character “Nehemiah Scudder” and it gets even scarier.

  4. maddog1129
    February 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm


  5. F
    February 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

    And that about wraps it up.

  6. Dave The Sandman
    February 20, 2012 at 2:30 am

    Great article Uncle Al and as always hit dead on the head of the nail.

    I take apart Santorum and Gingritch, as well as the GOP, and their supposed levels of holiness on various blog posts at Al’s guest blog at

    Tear down the Big Tent my US chums….

  7. Rick Schauer
    February 20, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Nice job again, Al. I’d also like to suggest that several ancient memes, here in the US, feed Republicans, namely; divine providence and manifest destiny.

    Additionally, they interpret “unalienable rights” as rights being granted from a divine source or god. The following link leads to more information along that line:

    Anyway, until we firmly seperate god from our unalienable rights and kick-god-the-fuck-out, we will remain in limbo-land and these “candidates” will continue getting mainstream traction and all the intellectual self-embarrassment they so richly deserve. Does that make sense?

  8. February 21, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Nice one Al, well done.

  9. Azuma Hazuki
    February 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    There is no puzzle here. Power goes to power, privilege to privilege. This is the inevitable result of a few technocrats using the new technology to exert the same kind of power the ruling class has historically held for all the human race’s time on earth save a few brief decades in the recent past.

    Human nature never changes. Simple as that. Religion legitimizes existing evils and destroys resistance to abuse from above.

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