Doing The Newtron Dance

“To The Moon, Alice!” – Ralph Kramden

Talk about your empty campaign promises. The Fig has ambitions for a permanent, thirteen-thousand member moon colony with regular commercial flights from earth to be used for things like tourism and manufacturing, complete with a “continuous propulsion system” that could take astronauts to Mars. Don’t get me wrong, back in July of 1969 I was one of millions who sat with my eyes glued to the TV as Neil Armstrong took those first giant steps for mankind, and it was an awesome sight.

I am, in no way, trying to diminish the importance of our accomplishments, or the need for science to play a larger role, but telling a group of voters in a state that is already reeling from the shock of losing thousands of support and service jobs after the Space Shuttle made it’s last flight in July of 2011 can only be trumped by a promise to triple Social Security benefits, remove the individual costs for Medicare and throw in a free set of Big Bertha golf clubs for every senior citizen.

That’s No Moon….

Newt’s ambitions go all the way back to 1967, when he proposed a “Northwest Ordinance for Space.” The Northwest Ordinance hearkens back to a term originally used by the Second Continental Congress’ establishment of a territory that was adopted as a means for adopting new states into the Union. Yes, you guessed it… Newt stated that this principle would allow the moon’s residents to apply for US statehood when the population reaches 13,000.

Of course, the moon as the 51st state fails to address the 1967 Outer Space Treaty that the United States signed, which expressly forbids any government from claiming the Moon as its territory. And Gingrich says that Ron Paul will never be the nominee because he “avoids reality” and won’t be taken seriously? Gingrich did say that his idea for a lunar city was one of the weirdest things he has ever done, but I think that title belongs to Newt’s use of his daughter’s from his first wife to convince everyone that his second wife was lying about his third wife. But I digress…

Evangelizing The Moon…?

Given Newt’s plan to take the United States on the last leg of her journey to becoming a theocracy, which I wrote about back on December 28th, one has to wonder how the moon would fit into his plan.

On July 20, after astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin took those first steps on the moon, Buzz Aldrin removed communion bread and a tiny chalice of wine that he got from his minister, Dean Woodruff of Webster Presbyterian Church in Houston, which were in sealed packages concealed in his space suit. He then he called Houston and asked for a few moments of silence. He poured the wine and said,

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 RSV).

This event was recorded in Time Magazine and also in the June, 1972 Readers Digest. Aldrin commented,

“It was interesting to think that the very first liquid ever poured on the moon, and the first food eaten there, were communion elements.”

Thus, the first food eaten by man on the moon was in the name of the Christian God.

I find this especially interesting, considering Newt’s insistence that the United States is a Christian Nation via his plan to intermingle his version of the Declaration of Independence with the United States Constitution, as stated in his manifesto, a “Presidential Commission on Religious Freedom.” which states,

“The mission of the religious freedom commission will be to advise the president on issues that threaten or impede the religious freedom that all Americans enjoy as an unalienable right from our Creator, which the First Amendment to the Constitution explicitly protects. In examining and investigating threats or impediments to religious freedom, the religious freedom commission should examine and investigate.”

Connecting The Dots…

The Fig is no stranger to the efforts of the religious right’s attempts to theocratize the United States. He was there very early on in the 1980’s with the likes of Paul Weyrich, James Dobson, Pat Robertson (the son of Senator A. Willis Robertson),Tim LaHaye, Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority, the American Coalition for Traditional Values and the Council for National Policy.

Their goal was, and still is, how to participate in a political party, and see if you can recognize who is in this picture:

You can read more about this in my book, “A Voice Of Reason In An Unreasonable World – The Rise Of Atheism On Planet Earth” available here in paperback and here in digital formats.

What’s This Got To Do With The Moon?

Nothing, because colonizing the moon is an idiotic idea, brought forth by batshit crazy evangelical-pandering politician who is attempting to fuse together American Exceptionalism, Christian Evangelism and Theocratic Idealism with the mourning of our loss as world leaders in space exploration and the prospect that if the moon is made the 51st state, it would also be an extra-terrestrial addition to the United Christian States of the Galaxy.

Am I reaching at the fringed edges of a religio-political segue with today’s blog post? I am sure some of the purists out there will chide me for trying to connect The Fig’s desire for lunar colonization as a bona-fide State (along with the plan to mine moon rocks), revisionist history and the religious right’s efforts to turn our country into a Christian version of a Muslim nation. However, when you step back and realize the total, complete and unequivocal batshittery that is the congealed suckage of the religious right, the current lineup of GOP candidates, the lunacy (another intended pun) of the words that oh-so-often come out of their mouths and the overall delusion of Christianity in general, today’s blog post seems as logical and well-ordered as a phone book.

Your mileage may vary…

  3 comments for “Doing The Newtron Dance

  1. F
    January 27, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    They are all stupid, weird, and dangerous.

  2. jj7212
    January 28, 2012 at 5:51 am

    This one was a bit confusing and weird, but since you were talking about christianity and GOP candidates, then it’s all good! lol It doesn’t have to make sense! Even if we managed to get 13,000 people to the moon, I’m willing to bet most of them probably would have no idea how the moon was formed to begin with. ‘Goddidit’ would probably be the common answer.

    We’d be better off investing in the James Webb space telescope in hopes of educating and inspiring young American kids. I’d rather pay taxes in support of 13,000 young and enthusistic college students who want to become teachers and scientists!

  3. Happy Camper
    January 28, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Newt Gingrich is for one thing and one thing only and that’s Newt Gingrich!

Leave a Reply